DarkZero: FaceBreaker Review

Back in the late '90s / early '00s DarkZero really used to hate EA. Everything they released seemed to be focused on making as much money as possible, without any thought for the consumer. However, over the past few years they really started to think better of them, with many of their latest offerings been some of the best genres had to offer. Now, they know one game should not ruin all the work they put in, but FaceBreaker comes so, so close. It's just a really bad game, in places unapologetically bad. If you are at all interested in some cerebral fisticuffs action then just wait until Fight Night Round 4 sometime next year.

[N4U]

this game is so irrelevant.

[N4U]

I post in both zones of the review of MIPS3GoTY.

Most. Irrelevant. PS3. Game. of. The. Year.

...oh, I forgot to add: "IMO".

Can't let people think that I'm stating it as a fact. They might think that I am God and start worshiping me, saying things like: "ohhh, look at this guy. He's speaking as though it is a fact when things of such nature are entirely subjective. He must be really important...oh I bet I know why. You wanna know why? I bet he's God. No, like THEE God."

[N4U]

I should go for the most posts on an irrelevant topic record. Do you think Guinness holds such a record?

[N4U]

I might just have to talk to myself...or is it "type" to myself?

[N4U]

yay!!!

[N4U]

why am I running out...nooooooooooooo!

I want to be important!

Give me my recooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrdd ddd.......dddddddd.....ddd!!!.. !11..!!!!

[N4U]

the only responses that I am picking up on seem to be echos.

In that case, I'M AN A-HOLE, WHO LIKES TO D-THROAT FULL-GROWN ELEPHANTS WITH HEPATITIS - OF THE C STRAIN - WHILE GARGLING FRENCH'S MUSTARD WITH A DAB OF PURPLE FOOD DYED CHIVES AND VINEGAR SOAKED MINT!

[N4U]

as though you were talking (typing) to yourself, N4U 110 days ago. Don't worry though, I've heard from various sources that typing out one's thoughts can be a very therapeutic way to spend one's leisure and helps to keep the mind sharp. Much like chess, which I happen to play frequently.

Pawn to e4 for the win! C4 for the refutation to that claim! ........but....Doh!

[N4U]

$48.99 at buy.com, eh?

That's like a whole dollar less than C.C.

If you were to buy 1 million copies of this game at buy.com instead of Circuit City, you'd save yourself $1 million!

You could, like, buy 20,000 copies of FaceBreaker at Circuit City from what you saved!

[N4U]

sounds mysterious. Don't know who (or what) the heck a DarkZero is, but if I were a betting man, I'd bet it/he/she is a bit of an enigma.

EXOTIC: I like that word because it rhymes with erotic, and I like erotic things.

Whatever the case, I am very intrigued!

[N4U]

better spend it well

[N4U]

the things I'll do to waste time :(

[N4U]

this will be the first time that I will have utilized all seven bubbles. Seven is an important number to me, mostly because I liked the movie -- the one with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt following the murders of that psycho that reminds me a lot of myself if I were a psycho, but I'm not -- but also because I like the shape.

7.

So beautiful. So pristine. So...prime.

BTW, it also helps that it's related to 49 -- a number that I am very attracted to for some irrational reason -- in that seven squared is its equivalent. 2401 happens to be my favorite number since it is 49 forty-nine times. Who needs Viagra when we have 2401? *Ohhhh gawwwd....soooo hawt!....need a calculator and a cold beverage....drool...

I'm a bit of an oddball aren't I? Oh well, live and let others point fingers and nitpick, that is my motto. Unfortunately, all my motto has gotten me so far is a complete lack of self-confidence and severe chaffing on my left hand and right testicle -- I'm not sure if they're related due to all the alcohol consumption I use to drown my deep depression that ironically makes me even more depressed :(

On a brighter note, I finally got rid of a blackhead that has been irritating me for the better part of this millennium and I finally made seven (that's 7) comments under one headline!!! Yipidee fu##ing doodah, yipidee fu##ing yea :(

[N4U]

or has my intelligence increased tenfold in the last 110 days? My brain appears to be evolving from simple to complex. A true microcosm of life itself!

No, no...that's too simple of an explanation. It is more likely tied to my abstinence from diluting my alcohol when I consume it. I used to drink a lot of c0cktails -- you know, combinations of things like: rum and coke, gin and juice, vodka and goat piss. What? It's considered a delicacy where I came from. Anyway, I digress. Now I drink my alcohol in the purest form. No, I don't drink rubbing alcohol. What I meant to say is that I drink my alcohol straight, as in straight out of the bottle.

My hypothesis is that our world's greatest minds fear that we'll (the general public) discover their secret to exponentially increasing one's intelligence -- a true "fountain of intelligence", you might say -- so they publicly state all the "side-effects" of strong alcohol consumption to help ensure that as few people as possible become competition in the race for the top, so to speak. It helps their chances that mixing alcohol containing beverages with any kind of mixer (sodas, tonic, juices, etc.) completely nullifies the intelligence enhancing effects of the alcohol, possibly even resulting in the opposite effect (regression of intelligence). This would explain why most alcoholics are lacking in smarts, if not down right stupid.

According to my early calculations (with 99.99% confidence), approximately 99.999988% of all people who consume at least 1/6 of a liter of alcohol per year will have mixed their alcohol with some kind of mixer at some point in any given year. That would mean that only ~0.000012% of the alcohol consuming population would ever gain any intellectual benefits via that particular medium, assuming that my hypothesis is correct. That just so happens to fall in line with the percentage of geniuses (read: abnormally intelligent) that populate our globe.

Can this be a coincidence? I suppose. But I find a very strong correlation between the two. Of course, any credible statistician realizes that correlation does not imply causation (no matter how strong the correlation). However, it seems to check out on all the statistical (significance) tests, even those that try to account for all the possible variables that might also explain the strong correlation (e.g. a person with a complex brain might have an intrinsic need for straight alcohol consumption that isn't present in simpler brains) such as double-blinded studies.

Unfortunately, I have a bias -- one of the biggest thorns in the side of every scientist who has ever existed -- so I can't truly look at my case objectively and say for sure that the (alleged) marked improvement in intelligence is due to how I drink my alcohol. That being said, I can't help but attribute this welcoming occurrence to "Pappy's ol'Cough Medicine". IMO, the evidence is simply too strong to not be the case.

*NOTE TO CHILDREN:

What is described above is an unproven theory in its earliest stages (hypothesis) and may turn out to be nothing more than a pipe dream. Though the evidence that I have personally gathered may be strong, the fact still remains that any claim that alcohol is anything but toxic to the body is purely unsubstantiated by the scientific community at large. It is a fact that alcohol temporarily changes the chemical make-up of the human brain and can even lead to permanent damage, or even death, if it is misused (overused).

Your best bet is to wait for such a claim to be "proven" by one or more credible sources -- the more who can verify the claim, the better -- before putting any stock into it. The above's claim should be handled no differently.